The definition of insanity is continuing the same behavior expecting a different result. I am obviously insane. Despite a success rate of about 50% for making connections at O’Hare International in Chicago, I continue to try to fly through. There was one span of a few months a couple of years ago where I spent the night in Chicago airport hotels three trips in a row. Today, I checked the radar, looked good, got on the plane. Mechanical problems, hour delay, then when we should be close to landing, we’re circling. Bad storms have closed O’Hare, and we don’t have enough fuel to circle for 45 minutes. So, it’s off to Springfield, Illinois, where we sit for another hour. Back to Chicago, and when we land, my connection to Frankfurt is still on the ground, raising hopes. Then dashing them when another plane is at our gate, delaying our arrival into the terminal once again. We pretty much saw my original connection take off to the East. Sigh.
Silver lining: I’m booked through miles on my dad’s gajillion mile global United plan, and I’m rebooked by the time I hit the United Club. Of course, my bag may end up in Bangkok. But I’m sure United will reunite us at some point.
In any case, this is the start of Adventure #2 for the Summer of 2013 (Adventure #1 being the drive to and stay in Maryland. Did I mention that I hit a deer in Iowa at 2 am? Patrick says he awoke to the sounds of me screaming, driving over rumble strips, and dirt flying everywhere. I’m still traumatized and horrified at causing an animal to be killed. Technically, I didn’t kill it. I called 911, (“Where are you?” asked the dispatcher. “I have no idea… Iowa.” was my brilliant comeback.) and a trooper came out and shot the deer. Now I’m sure deer everywhere are gunning for me.)
But I digress.
Adventure #2 is a family cruise from Barcelona to Italy, France, and back to Spain. We have a week in the city of Gaudi after the boat ride. Now at first, I was a bit skeptical of cruises. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am always trying to be a moving target and the thought of riding on a boat, even a gigantic one with an ice skating rink, sent shivers up my spine. Over the years, I’ve come to really like cruises and have had a blast seeing many ports of Europe and Alaska. But let me tell you about my first Mediterranean Cruise. And the Muhammeds.
This was the first family cruise. There are 14 of us that take this trip, and the cruise itself was 14 days. To a short-attention-span creature like me, the prospect of 2-3 “days at sea,” well, it creeped me out. So before we reached that point in the itinerary, I convinced my dad to let me disembark in Alexandria. As in Egypt. By myself.
I had to get special permission and probably signed my life away to get the cruise folks to let me get off the ship. I was escorted off and introduced to the first Muhammed. He was some kind of tour guide and must have appeared to be pretty trustworthy, because I actually let him walk away with my passport. Not that smart on my part. But after he argued with some immigration guy, we loaded my stuff in his car, and he took me to the hotel I’d booked, right on the water, and said if I wanted a professional tour guide in Alexandria, he had a company that could do that. Oh, I forgot to mention that before I got off the ship, my dad checked my itinerary, and Egyptair had cancelled my Alexandria to Cairo flight. I’d have to figure out on my own how to get to Cairo, which is three HOURS away.
I did call Muhammed for the tour, because really, what is an American woman going to do in Alexandria by herself? Muhammed sent his driver, Muhammed, and we had a blast. I got to eat great food, saw cool buildings, a beautiful waterfront… Muhammed #2 even got me into a mosque. I never thought I’d get to Egypt in my lifetime (I may never get back), and these two days alone made the eventual stress of getting to Cairo worth it. Oh, did I mention that I had no cell service, so my family didn’t know if I was safe or tucked away in the basement of a pyramid somewhere?
But now, it’s almost time to go, and I asked Muhammed #1 about a ride. He said he’d be glad to send a driver, for a fee of $60. A bargain. I knew the trip was 3 hours, so I didn’t drink anything all afternoon, to make sure I wouldn’t have to stop at a rest room. Muhammed #3 and his friend, Muhammed (I am not exaggerating) showed up with a gas gauge on “E,” and promptly made our first stop a little juice bar on the way out of town. How could I not have a juice? It would be rude.
And off we went. It’s night, but it was the weirdest thing, with Muhammed… He drove without headlights, only turning them on when he was screaming past vehicles, like Juan Pablo Montoya used to do in the Monaco Grand Prix. We drove well past the time I figured we were on fumes, then stopped at what looked like a truck stop, because besides needing gas, I needed to pee. I wander off the the ladies’ room which is ok. But on my way back, all the power goes out at the truck stop. I look around, all there are are men walking around. The car is locked. Some guy is asking me if he can wash the windshield, which I somehow understand but can’t figure out how to answer without being rude or, again, ending up in the basement of a pyramid. I look to the left, and there’s a freaking petting zoo, with goats, sheep, and little calves. Now, sh*t’s getting weird. I throw expense to the wind, turn on my now-working cell phone, and start texting all Muhammed #1’s contact info to friends in Orlando JUST IN CASE I am never to be found again. At least they’d know where to start looking for me. Then, suddenly, the lights come back on, the Muhammeds come out of the restaurant I didn’t see on the other side of the truck stop, and we’re off. And, NO, I don’t want anything to drink!
When we get to Cairo, they’re showing their beautiful city off, and we pass a disco. I say, “That is beautiful!” And they say, “Let’s go! Do you want to go??” Pyramid. Basement. On to the airport. Anyway, I made my flight and got one of the best travel stories EVER out of it. Today’s misadventure isn’t nearly as interesting, but at least I’m sitting in the United Club lounge, and I didn’t lose my upgrade status on the rebooking, so I’ll be in the front of the plane. Next stop, Barcelona. Well, Frankfurt, then Barcelona.
Donna Nelson
So it’s 2:00am, I have to be up at 4:00am to run, but of course I can’t sleep. Sooo, I check to see if you have an update on your blog. You do. Oh Em Gee. I laughed my a$$ off!! This was hysterical !! Pyramid Basement!! Hahahahahaha!! I am LOVING your Blog Wendy. Keep ’em coming!