The Pit of… Well not Despair, Exactly, but….

I am clawing my way out of yet another cancer chamber of horrors. As much as I hate to post two negative-ish reports in a row about my cancer treatment, hey, that’s my reality right now. I just came through one of the most heinous couple of days of Cancer II so far. And  to add to the heineousity, I missed opening day at Park City Mountain Resort yesterday. Cancer sucks.

By the time I went to get my two liters of IV fluid on Friday, I was already down for the count. Headache, throwing up, dizzy, slurry. The nurse (I love nurses) added nausea meds and Toradol (I love Toradol) to my liquid pick-me-up, but it didn’t pick-me-up like it did last time. That’s worrisome, as I knew I wouldn’t be back for another IV til Monday. We stopped at Whole Foods on the way home, because I know I can drink and tolerate the blueberry Naked smoothie juice.. But there is none. Now, they only carry some other “better” organic, natural, no sugar added, blah blah blah blah, “Did you know that Pepsi makes Naked?” blah blah blah smoothie juice. I DON’T CARE! I WANT MY SUGAR ADDED, ARTIFICIAL WHATEVER WHATEVER PEPSI-MANUFACTURED BLUEBERRY NAKED JUICE! But alas. I was Denied. (I bought the new smoothie juice option. Sucks.)

Saturday dawned badly and got worse. My goals for the day were to drink a lot of water and sports drink and not to heave them back up, thus getting back on to the vicious cycle of dehydration, when I knew I was at least 48 hours from another IV. I failed at both. Adding to the problem of being dehydrated in the first place (where did yesterday’s 2 liters of fluid go?), all my food is liquidy, and I’m adding all kinds of meds to the mix. Doesn’t the thought of that make you queasy, even if you’re well? Ugh. I was starting to think that I’m not going to be able to finish my radiation. I’m wondering whether I should go to Huntsman or the doc in the box in Park City tomorrow for an emergency IV. This is surely as bad as chemo. I can’t believe it.

I spent the day on the couch, first watching “Chronicles of Narnia,” which I swear they managed to make last four hours with all the commercial breaks, and bad ones at that. Then, I watched a Pearl Jam rockumentary that seemed to last just as long, but with better music. I was bored out of my mind, although I did have this all morning, noon, and night:

It’s great when you’re just waiting for one of your nurses to attack the other one.

So when I woke up this morning (Sunday) (a miracle I could even sleep after expending zero energy all day yesterday), I lay there for an hour, trying to figure out how I am going to feel today. Not too bad. I got up and made coffee (the headache I’ve had for days for sure is at least partially due to caffeine withdrawal. I am an addict. I admit it. Unabashedly.). Then, feeling a small burst of energy, I took the recycling out. And locked myself out of the house. At 8 am. With no phone. Or shoes. Or coat. It’s 28 degrees. Luckily, my friends, Kurt and Debbie, are here from Chicago, in my building, so I padded through the garage up to their place in bare feet and woke them up. We called Patrick, who had to drive down and let me in my own house. The most shocking part of this story is that it’s taken 5 years for me to do this. Time to hide a key outside somewhere.

I’m cautiously optimistic that today will be a better day than yesterday was, even though this morning’s little adventure left me a little dizzy. At the very least, the tv programming will be better. NFL all day long. Go Ravens! If I’m fighting like hell, you’d better do the same! 3 days of radiation left. I think I’ll make it.